Marriagephobia
Location(In a private English school with about 10 male students whose mean age is 25 and almost all of them are graduates of university with degrees of chemical engineering, mechanical engineering, electronic engineering, business management and other degrees and this is our first session)
A (me) B, C, D, E, are the students.
The mood of the classroom is a kind of quietness and almost every one is listening.
A: What are three important qualities you look for in your would_ be wife?
B: number one is physical attractiveness and then she has to be good tempered and ….
C: But I think first we have to do some search about the girl’s family and to see if they are from a religious family or not….
A: When you say RELIGIOUS, I can’t help thinking that what you are looking for is her piousness not for the sake of her religiosity but also you are looking for a faithful girl who can be faithful to you and not a religious one necessarily. Am I right?
B: I think so; and I think another aspect can be the girl’s mother. In Farsi we say: Madaro bebeen ,dokhtaro begir(see the mother, get the daughter which means if the mother is good-looking and healthy you can be sure that you are marrying the right girl.)
A couple of students don’t show any interest to the topic and when I ask them why, one of them says: I am 30 but I don’t want to get married, I feel by marriage you lose a lot but, gain a little ….
C: In order to know your would be wife better, you have to go on a trip with her every now and then and see how she behaves; she can’t hide her feeling from you after a while and you should be with her every other day in order to get a better understanding of her and she must have a job as well…
A: C’mon!! Can you find a lot of Iranian families who let their daughter to go on a trip with a guy? You aren’t in the United States you know…
C: I don’t mean to go on a trip together alone, my sister and the girl’s sister can accompany us and that’s Ok with me...
I felt that most of them don’t think about marriage at all and it’s not on their list of priorities and asked this question” What are your fears on marriage that stops you to tie the knot?”
4 out of 10 answered that they are afraid to get married because” they are afraid that their wife becomes unfaithful to them and cheats on them some day.”
3 of them are afraid of taking the responsibility of some one else” I can’t manage my own life, let alone another poor girl who wants to depend on me…
D: I don’t want my would be wife be, Excuse me, how do we say”Jelf” in English?
One of his classmates who is a friend of him as well turns to him and says: Jelf means Prostitute…
A: God damn you man! (Jokingly) You gave your friend a wrong equivalent,”Jelf” can be translated to let’s say a flirty girl in English.
As I gave the students the Farsi equivalent, a couple of them started whispering things and giggling.
Unfortunately, I become high strung when some students start giggling and whispering when some thing serious is being talked over even if it is something that has sexual connotation.
The atmosphere becomes tense…
A: Please don’t be “bi Jan be” (Don’t act like a child) you are all grownups and I thought we can have this kind of discussions in this classroom…..
One of the most talkative one said” Excuse me but time is over!”
I was angry and I don’t know how he dared to make such a statement.
He made me angrier “Time isn’t over as long as I (with an emphasis on I) tell you. CLEAR?
Nobody moved, I think I had a good beginning but, the whole class turned into hell at the end and it was my fault? Their fault? No clear idea this time.
While I was reviewing the post to see if it looks “good”, a sentence passed through my head” Men are all the same no matter where they are.”
A (me) B, C, D, E, are the students.
The mood of the classroom is a kind of quietness and almost every one is listening.
A: What are three important qualities you look for in your would_ be wife?
B: number one is physical attractiveness and then she has to be good tempered and ….
C: But I think first we have to do some search about the girl’s family and to see if they are from a religious family or not….
A: When you say RELIGIOUS, I can’t help thinking that what you are looking for is her piousness not for the sake of her religiosity but also you are looking for a faithful girl who can be faithful to you and not a religious one necessarily. Am I right?
B: I think so; and I think another aspect can be the girl’s mother. In Farsi we say: Madaro bebeen ,dokhtaro begir(see the mother, get the daughter which means if the mother is good-looking and healthy you can be sure that you are marrying the right girl.)
A couple of students don’t show any interest to the topic and when I ask them why, one of them says: I am 30 but I don’t want to get married, I feel by marriage you lose a lot but, gain a little ….
C: In order to know your would be wife better, you have to go on a trip with her every now and then and see how she behaves; she can’t hide her feeling from you after a while and you should be with her every other day in order to get a better understanding of her and she must have a job as well…
A: C’mon!! Can you find a lot of Iranian families who let their daughter to go on a trip with a guy? You aren’t in the United States you know…
C: I don’t mean to go on a trip together alone, my sister and the girl’s sister can accompany us and that’s Ok with me...
I felt that most of them don’t think about marriage at all and it’s not on their list of priorities and asked this question” What are your fears on marriage that stops you to tie the knot?”
4 out of 10 answered that they are afraid to get married because” they are afraid that their wife becomes unfaithful to them and cheats on them some day.”
3 of them are afraid of taking the responsibility of some one else” I can’t manage my own life, let alone another poor girl who wants to depend on me…
D: I don’t want my would be wife be, Excuse me, how do we say”Jelf” in English?
One of his classmates who is a friend of him as well turns to him and says: Jelf means Prostitute…
A: God damn you man! (Jokingly) You gave your friend a wrong equivalent,”Jelf” can be translated to let’s say a flirty girl in English.
As I gave the students the Farsi equivalent, a couple of them started whispering things and giggling.
Unfortunately, I become high strung when some students start giggling and whispering when some thing serious is being talked over even if it is something that has sexual connotation.
The atmosphere becomes tense…
A: Please don’t be “bi Jan be” (Don’t act like a child) you are all grownups and I thought we can have this kind of discussions in this classroom…..
One of the most talkative one said” Excuse me but time is over!”
I was angry and I don’t know how he dared to make such a statement.
He made me angrier “Time isn’t over as long as I (with an emphasis on I) tell you. CLEAR?
Nobody moved, I think I had a good beginning but, the whole class turned into hell at the end and it was my fault? Their fault? No clear idea this time.
While I was reviewing the post to see if it looks “good”, a sentence passed through my head” Men are all the same no matter where they are.”
posted by Frank at
7:49 PM
6 Comments:
U know what Frank, U did good in the end. I mean U took charge of your class and that's the way it should be. Human beings have a tendency to test ones authority every time they face one.
To me it seems like U had a good first session. The subject of conversation was good too.
Do what U've got to do. Cheers :)
men are all the same no matter where they are??? why do u say that? I think men are very much different when it comes to women. Not every guy knows how to sweep a girl off her feet.
Dear Frank,
I do agree w/u in ur last statement.My aunt says" hammeye mard ha az ye ghoori dam keshidan!" which means excatly what you said.
About why the don't wanna get married the real and only main reason is that they fear of taking responsibilities and loosing thier freedom, the other reasons the state are just justifications and nothing more.
by the way,do you know any one who can teach GRE writings?if yes i'd be happy if you let me know.thanks
hum, I am not sure what type of the class you are teaching, but I have thought English to quite afew classes in Iran for many walk of life! and students capacity was excellent! especially when I was talking about Taboo topics. usually, we as a teacher control the class. So, we are more at fault than anyone else!
Farzad:
Thanks dude.I think I did:)
Farbod:
I really dont have any idea as how to sweep a girl off her feet.I am married:)
Nazzy:
Men arent that bad,or are they?:)
I dont know any one but I will let you know if I find one.
Alireza:
I teach in a private institute.MY students capacity is "excellent" too.As you know you can have different students from different backgrounds.if you get what I mean:)
Frank,
Men aren't bad at all some of them are so lovely and considerate.I mean they have some common characterisrics(just like women)that is not related to where they come from or where they live:)
by the way do i have a permission to ask in which institue u teach?
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