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Monday, January 30, 2006

Freedom of...?

Friday, January 27, 2006


A class was told to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The instructions were that the story had to contain the following:


Below is the only A+ paper in the entire class.

"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it."

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Warning Beep!

(Language School)  

Iran (25) is one of my female serious cheerful looking girl in my class. Although I had warned her to turn her phone off during the class time she seemed to be like forget about the teacher’s words type because, in the last 5 minutes before the class was finished she started dialing numbers without paying much attention to my forewarnings.

In one of my classes she started her old habit of dialing while I was assigning the student’s homework for the following sessions when her mobile set went beep…beep…beep…

So far boring stuff? Ha? You ain’t heard anything yet!

As a general rule my students had all agreed to turn their cellular phones off before entering the class; in case the teacher heard a ringing phone, THAT student had to buy a box of chocolate or candy for her classmates. The point was that one of my students had bought a box of chocolate in the past few weeks. When beeping was heard, I could see Iran’s face turning red. We all started laughing out loud only two minutes before the class ended.

I was happy because not only the class was finished in a positive atmosphere but also I am not going to have anything before THAT class. I was looking at her like a professional fortuneteller; I was like:” wasn’t I a know-it-all when I warned you on that?  

Isn’t it interesting how the meaning of things changes based on some new “rules”?

Friday, January 20, 2006


Location (Language School with grown ups)

The break time was over and the students were getting back to their class. I started the lesson when one of my female students came in with her mouth full of candy and she was laughing too. When I asked her the reason she said:” One of the women from another class had gotten married and she had brought some candies for her friends.

“One of the WOMEN got married?!”

(With her full mouth)”No….I mean one of the girls…At first, she was a girl then after marriage she BECAME a woman!”
Was she saying that she lost her virginity or that's what the teacher thought she meant?

There was cold sweat all over my body!

I only gave her a cold smile…
Other guys were giggling…
Other girls were carrying a big smile on their faces...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


I usually don’t like to write posts about my routines but this case is a unique case which only a good “shrink” might help to cure it. By the way, are there any good shrinks in the whole world?! I wonder.

As a private tutor I was asked to teach to one of my students whose English wasn’t that good. I accepted the offer and went to the boy’s house for nine sessions and a night exactly before the last session the boy’s mother had given a call to the language school I teach and had asked the secretary there to let me know that they had canceled the last class. The point was that they hadn’t paid me until then though, we had made our deal already.
The problem as it walks through stream of consciousness:

“I was cheated again. Holy fuck! What a stupid teacher I am to trust them! This isn’t the first time you were cheated. Why weren’t I more direct on getting the money in advance? Why the hell do you have this Achilles heel to avoid directness? Why aren’t you more direct?”
I started criticizing myself in a big way. The boy’s parents had left their number in the language school because as an absent minded teacher I had forgotten to get their phone numbers in cases like this. I gave a call to their house and after greeting before I started speaking the boy’s mother said that due to taking a trip somewhere they would be grateful if I could change the schedule to go there earlier.
Thank God I didn’t say anything wrong to make myself ashamed of my own words. I was ready to tell her” No problem if you want to cancel the class but, when are you going to come to school to settle the money affairs down?”
When something goes wrong, I put the fault on myself  and start bitching and calling myself names until I order myself to” Shut up, Shut up, Shut up…”  

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

An Act Of Taboo?

The other day in the language school I teach (grown ups) one of my students_as the lesson was working its way_ asked me if he can tell a joke and I gave him the go ahead to add some "spice “to the air. Though it might sound a bit "taboo", I just pass it to you to be the judge....Frank

A man gives a call home and asks his daughter where her mother is. The girl says that she is in the bedroom with the uncle. The man gets furious and says:” Go and tell them I am coming."
On his way home the man gives another call home to see what happened and his daughter says that her mother got so agitated that she fell off the stairs and broke her neck; the uncle got so nervous that she threw himself out of the window into the river!
"Into the river?" the man said.
"But, there isn't a river around MY place."
"Sorry, I must have gotten the wrong number."

No girls laughed but me.I praised the guy’s joke.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Format c: s/q

The snowflakes are all over the place and you can see the birds on the sides of the road looking for bits of bread. This post was “inspired” to me along the “White Mile.”

A new version of WINDOWS must be installed. The whole hard drive (read Iran) needs to be formatted. We have to install an anti virus too. It’s a must you know. Remember! You can’t trust the “foreign” anti virus companies as they might have “spy wares” in them.

A new
Overman must be born.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Is it personal?

Some thoughts popped in my mind after reading click This:

I do take it as a personal insult when some student of mine stares at me and grins;when being asked why? He says:” I just look at you and can’t help laughing.” I never ever think I deserve it and have tried hard to control my behavior but,classroom management is a two way street and sometimes three way street if you include the mismanagement from the principal point of view.when 15 out of 30 students skip their classes without being punished mismanagement does happen whether you like it or not.You can behave decently toward students as I do my best to be a “decent” teacher but,sometimes I just can’t.
I AM looking for more peace and intimacy and connection with my students but when I ask our “Nazem”(mentor) if he could help me to deal better with this class he is like” hahaha,you are over? How soon!”(Kam avordi?)
Most of my teaching in this so called”class” is discipline management and dealing with the students behavior than teaching.The asshole principal knows about this but, he is carefree.That's a good suggestion to roll things off your back but….
When I repeat something as simple as taking turns to speak some students seem to be completely ignorant of the fact and the rules I have set.It gets on my nerves and little by little I become hypersensitive and act unconsciously like a maniac just like Jack Nickelson in “Shining” (God bless Kubric’s Soul)

Sunday, January 01, 2006


Have you ever felt sympathetic with a season?
Winter is my sympathized season and though it might sounds strange to you but, to me there are stories, feelings and a live soul behind it.
Here is one of my childhood memories:
The little white stars are falling and Frank is standing in the middle of the school yard. The students are all in their classes but, I am not. I am standing all alone, by myself, in there, looking at the sky as the snow is falling down. I have always wanted to fly and to see myself flying has always been a permanent part of my dreams.
I remember the time when some school boys were chasing me in order to beat me and boy! They were so close and right there through a magical God given power I started flying like never before. I was in the air flying, like birds. Their wide opened eyes were a message of happiness to me as they didn’t catch me. They were standing there with amazement …Did I feel happy in my dream!
Back to the story:
I was looking at the sky and the more I looked at the little white stars, the closer I got to THAT feeling of flying that has engulfed me in my entire life. WOW! I was happy as hell. I didn’t hear the sound of our principal shouting and cursing and I didn’t hear him approaching me and dragging me to our class.

The school bell rang and we all were shuffling through the doors to leave school. It was such a relief to get away from school. It wasn’t a nice place after all! The worst moment of my life has been wasted in schools and here I am as an Iranian teacher!
The white asphalt was a place of fun. No places like Dizin then so, we all went to the mountains and hills around the house to make snowman and to play snowball. I never forget the time when a group of ten kids sat behind each other holding each other tightly not to turn upside down on a downhill and there you go …………
The first snow_ no matter when_ is always inspiring to me and a playback to revive the memories of my childhood but, we haven’t had any snow yet. So those who are reading this:
Keep your fingers crossed; let’s all pray together:
Oh! Lord! Let the snow flow on this part of Earth, the Middle East,Iran. (I am not sure if God knows where Iran is like some Americans and that’s why I gave you the address)
Be gentler to us! You the Almighty!