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Monday, July 31, 2006

Good,Bad and the Ugly

I just wanna tell you about my fourth day of on the road lessons, and then I might give you a taste of my third day which was totally different with the third one. Anyway, the fourth day was a disastrous day both in terms of my instruction and the quarrel I had with my instructor which made me almost cry invisibly about how I was treated that way. It sucked to the T.

This instructor of mine is a man of average 34 with blue eyes and about 6 feet tall, a kind of nervous looking guy on the first glance who smiles at you but, there seems to be a timed bomb inside him which can go boom every minute or so. His look makes him both lovely and explosive.
The first day, for a guy like me who had never been behind a steering wheel went quite smoothly with no tension between us.

The second and the third day I had a crush on my instructor. I am not gay don’t get me wrong. I am as straight as a ruler but my feeling really tricked me .I seldom ever feel so close to someone I have met for once or twice but, "he was different." I thought. I just had this feeling that I had found my alter ego, a kind of intimacy that makes you "believe" love at first sight stories.
I thought: "yeh! That’s the "right" instructor I was looking for."
The second day he bought me a drink of non alcoholic type. Anyway, on the third day I learnt a lot because we saw a punctured car near the curb and her driver, who was also an instructor, asked Hamid (my instructor) to change her car’s tire. There was a mini supermarket around and I thought: well," It’s my turn to buy him a drink and I did." On the way to the driving institute, because of the intimacy which had been brought by the closeness and THE drink, he just started talking about his family life and his 5 year old daughter. The drink must have been alcoholic though. After a short time, I got to know that he was divorced for five years and he had to take care of his 5 year old daughter. He was giving me advice on not to have any children because, he wasn’t able to afford a decent life for her daughter as he said so! He also had to work in 2 other driving institutes in order to make his ends met.

I really felt pity about his condition and thought" how many carefree relaxed people can you in the whole world? Every one has his/her own personal problems. I just asked God to help him out of this mess, if mess expresses the right word, of course!
I am a kind of funny guy when it comes to the "right" person. After the third day I still couldn't do a good parking behind the other parked car. (Don’t know the English word!) When he got angry because of my mistakes, he started talking nervously, with his voice raised on me while it was being accompanied with dagger looks at me. His manners   doubled my nervousness and the whole concentration was fucked in seconds! We went to a quiet place to practice; there were other instructors with their students there. Hamid parked his car with 30 cm distance from the curb. I went behind the wheel and started the engine, the right light, and clutch, gear fourth and looked back…
Whenever I did something wrong, he went mad and when I told him that your nervousness makes me edgy too he kept quite silent for seconds without instructing me on what to do next. I know I know if you want look at the story from his point of view he says" this teacher is an asshole who donno shit about anything and I have to repeat my self several times so that his brain starts working."
On my first day he didn’t give me any information about the things in the car. I didn’t know that there are two lights in front of you which on is for the left and the other one is for the right. When he asked me why I used the wrong light I told him that I thought in order to move your car from a parking space you should push this gadget to the top."
"Can’t you see these two green lights in front of you? When the arrow shows the left, it’s time to turn left."

"Holy shit, you are giving me this info right now so how do you expect me to know things in advance? You took it for granted that I was born as a driver?"

"Hiss! Don’t say a word!"

There was Hamid’s friend (Ali) whose car was parked in front of our car. Ali started talking to me quietly on how to park my car while Hamid was sitting beside me in the car; I pointed to Ali with my fingers and meant to show my instructor to learn how to speak quietly.  I knew my instructor was looking at me invisibly. I knew this already and with this on the back of my mind I smiled and pointed to Ali and said "yeah, that’s it! That’s the right behavior"

Hamid saw me doing this and thought I was making fun of him.

"If there are 2 assholes in the world, I am one them and YOU (and emphasis on you in a belittling manner, yelling) are making fun of me?

"Fuck! I didn’t mean to make fun of you! You are so hypersensitive!"

Fuck it all, fuck! I felt so bad inside. I was humiliated like the way my teachers did when I was a kid. I was on the verge of crying. But I refrained.

His nervousness and his behavior taught me a lot of things. Life is the best instructor .if you don’t learn a lesson that lesson will be repeated so much that you have to pay the prices to learn it finally.

1. Now, I know that I shouldn't have yelled at my students when they had difficulty learning things. I try and promise not to yell at any of them if they had difficulty learning. (Disruptive behavior is an exception!)

2. Don't get too friendly with whoever you THINK might be your alter ego. Do it and face the music too.

3. Last but not least, if you look friendly at first and yell while you are teaching your students, they will definitely take this as one of your Achilles' hill and you aren’t a good teacher after all.

He told me that he doesn’t like teachers because they just come to the class and teach for half an hour and lean on their seats for the rest of the time class. I understood a little about this hidden curriculum which was based on our shitty education. This guy, I imagine had been punished a lot by his teachers and now I think a little part of those inferiority complexes were being erupted by a teacher who is a student now. It's a sad, tragic, understandable story about a lot of students here. I my self hated almost all those teachers of mine in my elementary and secondary school (a few of them were extraordinary.) People normally don’t have a "positive" attitude toward teachers. I shouldn’t have told him about my job .It wasn’t a big deal after all.
I know I should both depend on my intuition and reasons while facing people. I just hope I can get along with him on the following days or I have to change my instructor which might not change things a lot.
I suppose.

On the way home he gave me a piece of religious advice," Look! I know you lost your concentration but if you breathed deeply and asked God to help you, you could have done a better job."

I smiled and said" It is you and your instruction manner that gives me confidence not God!"

Hamid:" I am a tool and God is the ultimate doer!"

Me:" You mean after these sessions God taught me how to "drive" a car?"

Hamid:" Yes, it’s him and me only a tool."

Me:" God should have thought and worked more while making this tool" I said inside me.

He brought the subject of religion up and I couldn't help arguing my beliefs on the subject. At the beginning of the day when my instructions starts he got off his car to say hi to his coworker and friend when I heard him say:" Today isn’t my day and I am fed up."

Fed up with what? I don’t know but, I should have taken that as a sign not to be too funny and friendly. I should have acted my usual business like manner but didn't and there I was.

I somehow "feel" how my instructor feels about things but I can’t agree with him and myself on somethings. I remember terrible times that I had in a class with a rude, disruptive student and that made me feel bad the whole day therefore, when I went to other classes to teach in the next hours I acted like a maniac and punished a student to relieve my own pain. I think it’s a defensive mechanism though it looked pretty violent. When you are unaware as when and where a bomb explodes it's your kismet that becomes your savior Or BANG! BANG, BANG!

If there is a parallel park he doesn’t give me chunk by chunk instruction rather talks_let alone doing it by himself for one or a second time_ for two minutes on the subject and expect a naïve beginner like me know how to do things perfectly, in a miraculous manner.

Unfortunately I always tend to exaggerate things and this story is no exception.Now I know that how a "bad" teacher can destroy a student’s self confidence. I learnt a lot from Hamid. I see him as a mirror who SOMETIMES reflects my own attitudes about teaching and my behavior toward students.

After all these writings I feel better a little.
PS: I went to my instructor an hour ago and things were settled down thoroughly. Now I really feel better!

Thursday, July 27, 2006


Once in a while,
The Luck knocks at the door,
You go open the door,
And you close your eyes & embrace it wholeheartedly,
But when you open your eyes,
You see that it is a mirage!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Virtual Reality

Almost every body knows that Internet is a functional device; that's quite axiomatic, isn't it? But, when I look at myself and remember those "good" old days when I didn’t know beans about computer, this sentence comes into my mind that:" Ignorance is a bliss."

My essence was a unified thing then; I felt things in ONE world; I lived in ONE world. Now, I think I have fallen into TWO pieces: one is the reality of my common and routine life and the other one is the virtual one. Let me give you an example:

Before I was introduced to PC and Internet, my world was small and I didn’t know much about how other people in other parts of the world live. A none of my business attitude ruled over me. I was happier and more carefree.

When I felt the need to upgrade myself into the new modern world; when I felt the humiliation of the above mentioned bliss in my class; when I couldn’t comment on anything computer related, that was when I decided to take the plunge and become what this new world asked me for! That wasn’t a win win situation, I dwelled into other worlds, felt the joy and sadness of other people, empathized with people, felt envious to see those who live in "better" worlds. However, I lost the unified part. I lived in different worlds. I had broken into pieces and I had to adapt myself to this new situation and I did but, at a price!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Help Wanted!

While the clinic is full of patients waiting for their turn, I can't help but eavesdropping the women behind me:

"Poor Sarah, she was graduated, got her BA degree and now she is unemployed .She was accepted in her MA degree exam but I refused her to continue her study."

"I told her, well I told her suppose you get your MA degree? What comes next? Still unemployed!"

Why should we ever support and help the Arabs in THEIR war? Why should we ever become more catholic than Pope? While the Arab countries are scared to death to even murmur a word about Israeli _Lebanese war, why should we pay the price?

Day in day out you see a full coverage of the current war in Lebanon and you prefer to change the channel than listen to their crock of shit!

Charity begins at home! You (my government) want to help people? Help your own people first!

I know that in order to stay in power one has to provide help to those who might come in handy once. That explains The US support of Israelis as well as Iran's support of Hezbollah, doesn't it?

I agree with Mr.Slackman when he says:http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/23/world/middleeast/23iran.html?_r=1&hp&ex=1153713600&en13879b7a4eb29f1e&ei=5094&partner=homepage&oref=login

Thanks to Bill Gates I had my autosave Word activated otherwise because of a sudden blackout a couple of minutes ago I could have lost this post. Now who should help who?

Friday, July 21, 2006


Shattered feelings… when you feel injustice within your flesh like the way Jesus felt those hits on His palm while he was being crucified … My God, my God why have you forsaken me?... You ARE qualified but, you are rejected… why? You feel those tear balls inside you…They are going to revolt but, they simply can't… It’s the end of the world…
Hatred is walking with me…All the "good" words lose their meanings…Justice falls into a bucket of shit…Oh,Angels! Go tell your God that I wasn't, am not, will not be your servant…

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Happy Mothers Day

I went out to buy something "special" for you. I turned the stores upside down to get something "unique!" I thought of everything one can think of but it seemed my mind had gone totally blank on the subject.

Virtually, I know you won’t be reading this but, what's the difference? At least others in other parts of the world get to know that I love you.

I was going to change the Shakespeare's sonnet, to make it something extraordinary but, the only word I could change was passionate instead of lovely!

Shall I compare thee to a hot summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed:
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Happy Mother's Day To All Mothers and Would be ones Throughout the World(

Saturday, July 15, 2006


What’s the point in having a baby? What makes the majority of people to endure this “unbearable” responsibility? Have you ever wondered?

Student:” A child is the sweetness of ones life!”

Socrates:” You call constant crying, waking up in midnight, putting your needs before your child and the awful smell of diaper sweetness?”

Student: “generation should go on&on!”

Socrates:” What’s the point in continuing this vicious circle when you deep down in your grave? Besides, isn’t 6 billion enough? ”

Student:” This comes from ones selfishness not to be able to put his/her need before his/her child; in that case your parents shouldn’t have thought of having you!”

Socrates:” I wasn’t invited to this world!”

Student:” To have a baby is a hobby.”

Socrates:” What a wasteful way to spend your time and money!”

Student:” Your child might “come in handy” when you are old!”

Socrates:” Look, who is talking about selfishness?”

Student:” A baby can give “meaning” to one’s life.”

Socrates:” I take my life’s “meaning” from other sources.”

The characters in this dialogue are imaginary. By the way, who can persuade Socrates into having a baby?

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Wanna get a window into Iranian life? Click here:

Sunday, July 09, 2006


The mother cries nonstop, thinks nonstop about her sick daughter’s condition, prays all the time, goes to the “Holy” Shrines so perhaps, the Gods hear what she shouts, screams and wants. Her daughter is ALL she has; she has become like her daughter; her daughter is THE only world she has. She has done almost everything she could have.

What IS the answer?

The Gods are sitting there in the heavens, DRUNK, carefree to the poor mother’s condition; they are all deaf and dumb.

“Oh, mother! Forget about Gods! They can’t be depended on anymore. They all have lost their magnets, they can’t hear us anymore. The Gods are all dead; why so much persistence?”

“Oh,Son! Where else can I go? I was disappointed by the doctors!”

Friday, July 07, 2006

Insanity Club

I overcame all those “fears” to become a driver here in IRAN. Look! Driving in here is a bit different with what it is in the rest of the world and that’s why I accentuated on the word IRAN.I am happy to be a member of the” insanity club!” I think we need more insane people throughout the world .Are there any IM “Insane Movements” anywhere in the world? If not, how about establishing one? Just imagine that I can be its Founder and a “famous” figure. That would be a day!

My “beloved” country is number one in its death toll road accidents in the whole world. Beside nuclear energy, this is another achievement (Dastavard) one can be proud of!

We are a bit blind colored people, (no offense intended) I mean yellow, green and red are all the same both to drivers and pedestrians IF you are in a hurry and IF there is no Police around!

It’s a must to be an adept driver but, NOT enough! There are other things which should looked out once you are in the streets: Other drivers who may not be as “adept” as you are, people who might appear in front of your car out of nowhere, the puddles which are there to examine your car strength above all, You need to have Jacob’ patience to stand THE traffic. (THE has a lot to say)

I have this car crash phobia whenever I am in a taxi in the front seat! Am I going to endanger my family’s lives by becoming one? Is there going to be a dead body in the street while I am standing there shouting for help? There are these and other hairs raising bloody hallucinations give me cold feet.

I know that after a while I’ll get used to it, not yet!

There is also this stubborn feeling in me which has the final word on everything:
“If you want to get a job done, DO it by HOOK or CROOK!”

Thursday, July 06, 2006


The Lord is my real boss, and I shall not want.
He sometimes gives me “peace”, when chaos is all around me.
He gently reminds me to pray and do all things without murmuring and complaining but, I normally don’t listen to Him.
He reminds me that he is my source and not my job. I wish He could prove it in one way or another.
He restores my sanity everyday and it manifest itself the other day by” Life is one damn thing after another.”
Even though I face absurd amounts of e-mails, systemcrashes, unrealistic deadlines, heavy traffic, and a discriminating principal every morning, I still will not stop---for I still think somebody up there “likes” me!
He raises me up invisibly, even when they fail to praise me.When it's all said and done, I'll be working for Him a whole lotLonger and for that, I BLESS HIS NAME!